I’m on the meme bus with my buddies LeeAnn & George. All aboard!
1. I’ve come to realize that my chest-size…
apparently is shrinking as I lose weight!
2. I’ve come to realize that my job…
will be super cool once I find it, LOL
3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving…
I have little patience for bad drivers and this causes obscene language on my part.
4. I’ve come to realize that I need…
to spend more time on the job hunt and less time tweeting.
5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost…
my mind(on occasion)! Seriously, I have lost my fear to try new things.
6. I’ve come to realize that I hate it when…
plans fall through.
7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk…
I am fun instead of morose like I use to be.
8. I’ve come to realize that money…
is what the world runs on and I am quickly running out of it.
9. I’ve come to realize that certain people…
suck.
10. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always …
like who I am, for all my flaws.
11. I’ve come to realize that my siblings…
my sister is very much the youngest child still. Even though she has been married for 12 years and has 2 kids, when we go to the store together she will pick something up and ask me to buy it for her.
12. I’ve come to realize that my mom…
was one of the smartest, funniest people on the planet. I miss you, mom!
13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone…
is a piece of crap and I need a new one, ASAP. Oh if only I could afford to get service on my iPhone, that would be wonderful!
14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning…
that I had not slept in so late since being diagnosed with diabetes in 1986. Darn alarm clock!
15. I’ve come to realize that last night before I went to sleep…
that I was starving to death from basal testing.
16. I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking…
I should be doing laundry.
17. I’ve come to realize that my dad…
is who he is and I accept him for that.
18. I’ve come to realize that when I get on Facebook…
I don’t really go on Facebook that much anymore, too busy tweeting.
19. I’ve come to realize that today…
is the day before I get to meet @MarkMansheim in person, wooot!
20. I’ve come to realize that tonight…
I will be trying to show my hubby how awesome the show Dexter is.
21. I’ve come to realize that tomorrow…
I have to go to the gym, seriously.
22. I’ve come to realize that I really want to…
be a rockstar!
23. I’ve come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is…
is one of my twitter buds.
24. I’ve come to realize that life…
can be amazing, it’s all in how you look at it.
25. I’ve come to realize that this weekend…
I need to shop for a graduation dress. It’s not fair I have to wear a dress when the boys get to wear pants. We should all have to wear dresses! No, wait a minute, hahaha
26. I’ve come to realize that marriage…
is much better if you marry someone who is as invested in the relationship as you are.
27. I’ve come to realize that my friends…
are incredible, wonderful people.
28. I’ve come to realize that this year…
is about change and challenges.
29. I’ve come to realize that my ex is…
really a good person, we just weren’t right for one another.
30. I’ve come to realize that maybe I should…
spend some time doing something nice for my hubby.
31. I’ve come to realize that I love…
the excitement that comes with going on a vacation.
32. I’ve come to realize that I don’t understand…
why medicine and diabetes supplies are so darn expensive.
33. I’ve come to realize my past…
shaped me and made me stronger.
34. I’ve come to realize that parties…
are something I need to go to more often.
35. I’ve come to realize that I’m totally terrified…
of failure and that it’s OK to be terrified sometimes, just not all the time.
Showing posts with label diabetes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diabetes. Show all posts
Monday, September 14, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Meme for The Butter Compartment
Today's post is in response to LeeAnn over at The Butter Compartment. Check out her blog today and join in the meme fun with us!
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
My car payment. Oh why didn't I wait until after grad school when I had a job to buy new wheels?
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Romance, what is that, hahahaha! Does International House of Pancakes count?
3. What do you really want to be doing right now?
I'm with LeeAnn on this one. I want some ice cream from Stone Cold Creamery like right now!
4. How many colleges did you attend?
Two. Columbus State University (part of the University of Georgia family of schools) and Argosy University for my MA.
5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It matched my fancy shirt I had on over it when I went up to visit my former internship site today.
6. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
Don't even get me started on this one. And please don't ask my husband who has a degree in economics. I really don't want to hear the free market speech again (love you honey!)
7. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Are you kidding me? I just went to sleep!
8. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I hope I get a decent night’s sleep without my DexCom screaming at me. That didn't happen by the way.
9. Do you miss being a child?
No, I am much happier as an adult who pretends they are a child :)
10. What errand/chore do you despise?
Cleaning the bathrooms. I will NOT do it.
11. Get up early or sleep in?
Get up early. If I sleep in too much I waste the day. Even if said day just involves playing on the PC and tweeting ;)
12. Have you found real love yet?
Yup, took me awhile but I did.
13. Favorite lunch meat?
Thin shaved turkey breast.
14. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Ditto on preferring Target. I could spend all day in there. I buy the Dex4 Fast Acting Glucose Sour Berry bits. Thanks diabetes!
15. Beach or lake?
Beach, definitely!
16. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No, but it is not right for everyone.
17. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Neither. I prefer Intervention, Dexter, True Blood, or Mythbusters.
18.What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
LeeAnn's response-"Hmm… would you think I’m a stalker if I said Dr. Polonsky of BDI? Although, I think my social ineptness would take over and I wouldn’t know what to say… or I’d say something megadorky and sound like a stalker." I'm with her on this one. I have spoken to Dr. Polonsky on the phone before and I know I sounded like a dweeb! I would like a do over please!
19. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Yes, I backed into a car while trying to get out of a driveway, ooops!
20. Ever use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No but I almost had to about 5 years ago when my hubby built too big of a fire in our tiny fireplace!
21. Ring tone?
Fall Out Boy's This Ain't a Scene. It's the only ringtone I can hear from my crappy old phone.
22. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In the woods while camping.
23. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
San Francisco for sure!
23. Do you go to church?
No, I was raised catholic so I have done my time in church ;)
24. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Career, I think. Oh, wait a minute, I am doing that right now with the whole counseling thing. Now I just need an interview or two....
25. How old are you
36 and fabulous!
26. Do you have a go-to person?
My hubby
27. Are you where you want to be in life?
Yes, because I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for where life has taken me. Who I am opens a world of possibilities up for me!
28. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?
Looney Tunes
29. What about you do you think has changed the most?
I am not an angry, depressed person like I was for most of my life. I have found an inner peace & self acceptance.
30. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?
Uh, no. I hated high school!
31. Are there times you still feel like a kid?
Farts make me laugh like crazy!
32. Did you ever own troll dolls?
Only 1. My sister gave me a cavewoman troll doll for high school graduation because my classmates made fun of my full name when we had graduation practice. When the principal said my full name one of the boys yelled "Una the cavewoman!" making fun of my middle name. Of course the entire graduating class started laughing at me. Said boy is bald now so I think karma took care of balancing the universe!
33. Did you have a pager?
Yup, for an IT job back in 1995.
34. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?
Denny's in Columbus, GA is where all the misfit and cool kids went. I also did not take insulin to cover the pancakes, much like LeeAnn. I think I thought I was too cool for insulin!
35. Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with?
If I had kids (or wanted them) then yes. I was a pretty good kid.
Thanks LeeAnn for the trip down memory lane and a chance to reflect on myself today :)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
My car payment. Oh why didn't I wait until after grad school when I had a job to buy new wheels?
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Romance, what is that, hahahaha! Does International House of Pancakes count?
3. What do you really want to be doing right now?
I'm with LeeAnn on this one. I want some ice cream from Stone Cold Creamery like right now!
4. How many colleges did you attend?
Two. Columbus State University (part of the University of Georgia family of schools) and Argosy University for my MA.
5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It matched my fancy shirt I had on over it when I went up to visit my former internship site today.
6. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
Don't even get me started on this one. And please don't ask my husband who has a degree in economics. I really don't want to hear the free market speech again (love you honey!)
7. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Are you kidding me? I just went to sleep!
8. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I hope I get a decent night’s sleep without my DexCom screaming at me. That didn't happen by the way.
9. Do you miss being a child?
No, I am much happier as an adult who pretends they are a child :)
10. What errand/chore do you despise?
Cleaning the bathrooms. I will NOT do it.
11. Get up early or sleep in?
Get up early. If I sleep in too much I waste the day. Even if said day just involves playing on the PC and tweeting ;)
12. Have you found real love yet?
Yup, took me awhile but I did.
13. Favorite lunch meat?
Thin shaved turkey breast.
14. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Ditto on preferring Target. I could spend all day in there. I buy the Dex4 Fast Acting Glucose Sour Berry bits. Thanks diabetes!
15. Beach or lake?
Beach, definitely!
16. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No, but it is not right for everyone.
17. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Neither. I prefer Intervention, Dexter, True Blood, or Mythbusters.
18.What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
LeeAnn's response-"Hmm… would you think I’m a stalker if I said Dr. Polonsky of BDI? Although, I think my social ineptness would take over and I wouldn’t know what to say… or I’d say something megadorky and sound like a stalker." I'm with her on this one. I have spoken to Dr. Polonsky on the phone before and I know I sounded like a dweeb! I would like a do over please!
19. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Yes, I backed into a car while trying to get out of a driveway, ooops!
20. Ever use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No but I almost had to about 5 years ago when my hubby built too big of a fire in our tiny fireplace!
21. Ring tone?
Fall Out Boy's This Ain't a Scene. It's the only ringtone I can hear from my crappy old phone.
22. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In the woods while camping.
23. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
San Francisco for sure!
23. Do you go to church?
No, I was raised catholic so I have done my time in church ;)
24. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Career, I think. Oh, wait a minute, I am doing that right now with the whole counseling thing. Now I just need an interview or two....
25. How old are you
36 and fabulous!
26. Do you have a go-to person?
My hubby
27. Are you where you want to be in life?
Yes, because I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for where life has taken me. Who I am opens a world of possibilities up for me!
28. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?
Looney Tunes
29. What about you do you think has changed the most?
I am not an angry, depressed person like I was for most of my life. I have found an inner peace & self acceptance.
30. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?
Uh, no. I hated high school!
31. Are there times you still feel like a kid?
Farts make me laugh like crazy!
32. Did you ever own troll dolls?
Only 1. My sister gave me a cavewoman troll doll for high school graduation because my classmates made fun of my full name when we had graduation practice. When the principal said my full name one of the boys yelled "Una the cavewoman!" making fun of my middle name. Of course the entire graduating class started laughing at me. Said boy is bald now so I think karma took care of balancing the universe!
33. Did you have a pager?
Yup, for an IT job back in 1995.
34. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?
Denny's in Columbus, GA is where all the misfit and cool kids went. I also did not take insulin to cover the pancakes, much like LeeAnn. I think I thought I was too cool for insulin!
35. Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with?
If I had kids (or wanted them) then yes. I was a pretty good kid.
Thanks LeeAnn for the trip down memory lane and a chance to reflect on myself today :)
Monday, August 3, 2009
A video all diabetics must see!
The other day I was on YouTube and checking out what new videos awaited me in my subscription list. One of my favorite YouTube folks is Allie Beatty. She runs a site called www.alliesvoice.com. If you are not familiar with her, Allie has strong beliefs and opinions and is not afraid to share them with the world. Love her or hate her, she makes you really think about things when it comes to your diabetes, your healthcare, treatment options, etc… She is a vibrant and strong voice in the diabetes community and I respect the heck out of her for it!
So I settle into my chair and hit play on Allie’s latest video, “Do Anti-VEGF Shots Cause Strokes?” and I have to hit pause about 15 seconds into it because I am in shock. My eyes are filling up with tears as I sit in disbelief, staring at my laptop. I urge you to watch this video in its entirety now, before you finish reading my post.
Part of me wants to scream that this has happened to her. Part of me is angry that this could happen in this day and age. A big part of me is terrified that something like this will happen to me. Here is why I urged you to watch the video. Allie is a fighter and she will get through this. Visit her site, www.alliesvoice.com and offer her support. Do not let this story paralyze you with fear. Use this as another weapon in your diabetes arsenal to remind you that you must ask questions of your doctors, you must research treatment options, and you need to be actively involved in your health care. Know that sometimes you will have to take risks when choosing a treatment option and you may get some unwelcome side effects. This is part of the diabetes survival game. Never give up!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I am no longer alone!
Today something huge happened. Something that shows we are not alone as diabetics or PWD (whichever way you prefer to be called). Today www.tudiabetes.com reached 10,000 members! This is an amazing, awesome thing!
It got me thinking about what this community means to me over the short time I have been a member. I joined tu about 9 months ago. Although I had been working in IT for over 13 years, it had never occurred to me to look online for help with my diabetes or to connect with others with diabetes! That is how alone and isolated I felt in this disease. I came across this brave, new world through YouTube, from 1HappyDiabetic’s profile. From there I realized the wealth of information and the ability to connect with others in no time. I quickly joined www.tudiabetes.com. Since that time I have made new friends, gotten help when I needed it, helped others in need, had people who understood what I go through taking care of my diabetes, became a blogger, became a twitter freak, and I have felt connected for the first time in my life. I am no longer alone! What a precious gift to know you are truly connected to others in your life. Words cannot do justice to the feelings…
Many thanks to Manny and his team for making this forum available. Thanks to all the bloggers out there who work hard to give us information and a forum for our cause. And thanks to all of you out there coming to connect with others and share part of yourself.
Find more videos like this on TuDiabetes - A Community for People Touched by Diabetes
Find more videos like this on TuDiabetes - A Community for People Touched by Diabetes
It got me thinking about what this community means to me over the short time I have been a member. I joined tu about 9 months ago. Although I had been working in IT for over 13 years, it had never occurred to me to look online for help with my diabetes or to connect with others with diabetes! That is how alone and isolated I felt in this disease. I came across this brave, new world through YouTube, from 1HappyDiabetic’s profile. From there I realized the wealth of information and the ability to connect with others in no time. I quickly joined www.tudiabetes.com. Since that time I have made new friends, gotten help when I needed it, helped others in need, had people who understood what I go through taking care of my diabetes, became a blogger, became a twitter freak, and I have felt connected for the first time in my life. I am no longer alone! What a precious gift to know you are truly connected to others in your life. Words cannot do justice to the feelings…
Many thanks to Manny and his team for making this forum available. Thanks to all the bloggers out there who work hard to give us information and a forum for our cause. And thanks to all of you out there coming to connect with others and share part of yourself.
Find more videos like this on TuDiabetes - A Community for People Touched by Diabetes
Find more videos like this on TuDiabetes - A Community for People Touched by Diabetes
Friday, July 17, 2009
Feelin’ The Blues
According to the experts, the exact cause of depression in patients with diabetes is unknown. It is likely complex, involving interactions among psychological, physical and genetic factors. If you do a search on diabetes and depression, you will see this statement repurposed over and over. What does it tell us? Not much! We know that irregular glucose levels, substance abuse, eating disorders, smoking, noncompliance in diabetes care, physical activity and weight gain all affect one another, and feed into the life cycle of depression. It is stated that diabetics are twice as likely to suffer from depression than someone without diabetes. This is all great information but does it really offer a lot of insight into why we feel the blues? Not really!
Experts cannot tell us what really causes depression. There are no blood tests or brain scans to diagnose depression yet it is a real phenomenon that many people must deal with. Currently the best way to treat depression among any population, diabetic or not, is through the use of a combination of medication and therapy. We know this works, just not exactly why or how it works.
There are not a lot of answers as to why we are at risk. But we do know we are at risk for depression. Let’s face it, it is hard to live with a chronic illness that is 24/7 that you never get a break from. You can’t just wake up one morning and say “hey, I am going to pretend I am not diabetic this weekend and not take my shots (or pills or pump)” and expect to not end up sick or in the hospital. The planning, glucose monitoring, unexpected highs and lows, and the healthcare costs can drain a person. On top of that, many health care teams don’t even consider the emotional and mental impact of living with this disease!
So what do you think about the link between diabetes and depression? What do you think causes the higher risk of depression to diabetics? Have you suffered from depression since being diagnosed diabetic?
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Technology FAIL!
So I get up this morning and my DexCom sensor is starting to flake out. Inaccurate readings, it keeps loosing communication with the receiver, no direction arrows. So I take a deep breath and I restart the sensor. No big deal, after all I am on my 13th day with this sensor which is the longest I have gotten so far. So I pack up my stuff and head out to meet a friend for lunch at Red Lobster. I am envisioning cheddar bay biscuits and more carbs then I usually eat at lunch, yummy! Plus I am excited to see my friend.
Fast forward to sitting at the table after ordering lunch. I pull out my trusty One Touch Ping meter to check my sugar and bolus. Oh oh, WTF? The meter is on?!?! There is an error code?!?!?! Here is what I saw:
I start hitting buttons, pulling the batteries out, looking for a reset switch. No luck, the only way the error goes away is if I pull the batteries out which means the darn thing won't work. Then my DexCom receiver begins to beep at me. It is time to put the 2 start up blood sugars in so my CGMS will start working again. Houston, we have a problem here, the darn meter is out of commission! Of course I don't have an extra glucometer in my purse so I have no working meter and no CGMS data to use. There are 3 One Touch meters at home but that is not helping me. So I start to panic and worry that maybe there is something wrong with my pump too. I pull it out and see it is OK. So I bolus for my carbs, just guessing what my sugar might be. I am going to eat lunch out, I haven't eaten out in ages! Lunch goes well and off I go to get back home.
I get home and grab the One Touch Ultra Smart meter I use as a back up and calibrate my DexCom. It won't calibrate, I keep getting a sensor error. ARGHHHHH! TECHNOLOGY FAIL! So I put in a new sensor and I am now waiting for the sensor to be ready to go. Meanwhile I call Animas about the error on the meter and I am transferred to LifeScan techs. Turns out they have to send me a new meter, this one is toast. I will receive the new meter next week sometime, probably on Wednesday.
Maybe there is a down side to being so reliant on all this technology? Or maybe this was a good lesson about what I need to carry with me in my emergency supply kit that I carry in my purse. Now a One Touch mini, extra strips, and a lancet device are crammed in there. Lesson learned this time :)
Those Red Lobster cheesy biscuits sure were good though :)
Fast forward to sitting at the table after ordering lunch. I pull out my trusty One Touch Ping meter to check my sugar and bolus. Oh oh, WTF? The meter is on?!?! There is an error code?!?!?! Here is what I saw:
I start hitting buttons, pulling the batteries out, looking for a reset switch. No luck, the only way the error goes away is if I pull the batteries out which means the darn thing won't work. Then my DexCom receiver begins to beep at me. It is time to put the 2 start up blood sugars in so my CGMS will start working again. Houston, we have a problem here, the darn meter is out of commission! Of course I don't have an extra glucometer in my purse so I have no working meter and no CGMS data to use. There are 3 One Touch meters at home but that is not helping me. So I start to panic and worry that maybe there is something wrong with my pump too. I pull it out and see it is OK. So I bolus for my carbs, just guessing what my sugar might be. I am going to eat lunch out, I haven't eaten out in ages! Lunch goes well and off I go to get back home.
I get home and grab the One Touch Ultra Smart meter I use as a back up and calibrate my DexCom. It won't calibrate, I keep getting a sensor error. ARGHHHHH! TECHNOLOGY FAIL! So I put in a new sensor and I am now waiting for the sensor to be ready to go. Meanwhile I call Animas about the error on the meter and I am transferred to LifeScan techs. Turns out they have to send me a new meter, this one is toast. I will receive the new meter next week sometime, probably on Wednesday.
Maybe there is a down side to being so reliant on all this technology? Or maybe this was a good lesson about what I need to carry with me in my emergency supply kit that I carry in my purse. Now a One Touch mini, extra strips, and a lancet device are crammed in there. Lesson learned this time :)
Those Red Lobster cheesy biscuits sure were good though :)
Chh-chhh-chhh-Changes!
I know for me I have never been good at changing to new treatments when it comes to my diabetes. I don't know what that is all about but I got to thinking about it today when I got frustrated with my equipment. It got me thinking about how hard change is...
Here is what I mean. My family tried to get me to get a pump since the late 80s and I refused. It took me years after Humalog came out to switch from R to Humalog. I refused to go to go from 2 shots a day to true MDI after I went on Humalog. Don't even talk to me about trying the new long lasting insulins like Lantus, there was no way I would consider that. Switch from exchanges to carb counting, not gonna happen! Then I got sick and I thought I was having diabetic complications. This is it I thought, diabetes finally has caught up with me and is going to kill me. I was 34 and I was facing my own death from not taking care of myself. So I got an endo who realized how off the path I was and how resistant to change I was. So she met me were I was at and didn't try to force me to change insulins, carb count, or do MDI. She didn't even bring up the idea of a pump. She waited patiently for me to be ready for change.
So what was stopping me from trying different ways of taking care of my diabetes? Why was I so resistant to change? Was it fear of the unknown? Was it pure stubbornness? Was it just that I don't like change like most people? Maybe change is just too hard? Was it fear of failure? One thing I do remember my first endo telling me was that once you figure out what works, don't change anything. It was 1988 when I was told this. Definitely not good advice when I look back but what he said had an impact on my poor 13 year old brain.
So what changes have happened for me over the past year and a half? Well, I started carb counting and got on an Animas pump. I started testing 12+ times a day. I just started a DexCom CGMS in the last month. I totally changed my diet from a fried, high carb nightmare to a low fat moderate carb diet. So what motivated me to change? And not just small changes, but radical changes? Looking at it now maybe it was the fear of dying. I was willing to try anything to feel better and not die now. Then I realized I wanted to finally be in control of my diabetes and not have it control me like it always had in the past. This motivated me to change.
So as I sat here this morning frustrated with my DexCom not working right as I prepared to go to the gym, the old me started screaming in my head, "you should have stayed the way you were, you never went low then!" Of course I never went low back when I was on shots, my average blood sugar was in the high 200s! I was so tempted to throw the DexCom against the wall, just like I felt like throwing my pump away the first month I was on it. Then I went low (again) because I get nervous with the idea of changing my basal settings on the pump. So even though I have weeks worth of data that shows me I need to reduce my basal in the AM, I didn't make the change. I even ran basal tests so I knew I needed to reduce the basal! I just kept going low and having to treat the low every morning at the same time. So I sit at my desk this morning, upset and frustrated. I had to breathe and remind myself, change is good. Change is what has given you your life and health back. Breathe young grasshopper! So I changed my basal and I restarted the DexCom sensor, breathe in, breathe out....
Making changes in my D care freaks me out. Can anyone relate? Thanks for letting me vent, I feel much better now :)
Here is what I mean. My family tried to get me to get a pump since the late 80s and I refused. It took me years after Humalog came out to switch from R to Humalog. I refused to go to go from 2 shots a day to true MDI after I went on Humalog. Don't even talk to me about trying the new long lasting insulins like Lantus, there was no way I would consider that. Switch from exchanges to carb counting, not gonna happen! Then I got sick and I thought I was having diabetic complications. This is it I thought, diabetes finally has caught up with me and is going to kill me. I was 34 and I was facing my own death from not taking care of myself. So I got an endo who realized how off the path I was and how resistant to change I was. So she met me were I was at and didn't try to force me to change insulins, carb count, or do MDI. She didn't even bring up the idea of a pump. She waited patiently for me to be ready for change.
So what was stopping me from trying different ways of taking care of my diabetes? Why was I so resistant to change? Was it fear of the unknown? Was it pure stubbornness? Was it just that I don't like change like most people? Maybe change is just too hard? Was it fear of failure? One thing I do remember my first endo telling me was that once you figure out what works, don't change anything. It was 1988 when I was told this. Definitely not good advice when I look back but what he said had an impact on my poor 13 year old brain.
So what changes have happened for me over the past year and a half? Well, I started carb counting and got on an Animas pump. I started testing 12+ times a day. I just started a DexCom CGMS in the last month. I totally changed my diet from a fried, high carb nightmare to a low fat moderate carb diet. So what motivated me to change? And not just small changes, but radical changes? Looking at it now maybe it was the fear of dying. I was willing to try anything to feel better and not die now. Then I realized I wanted to finally be in control of my diabetes and not have it control me like it always had in the past. This motivated me to change.
So as I sat here this morning frustrated with my DexCom not working right as I prepared to go to the gym, the old me started screaming in my head, "you should have stayed the way you were, you never went low then!" Of course I never went low back when I was on shots, my average blood sugar was in the high 200s! I was so tempted to throw the DexCom against the wall, just like I felt like throwing my pump away the first month I was on it. Then I went low (again) because I get nervous with the idea of changing my basal settings on the pump. So even though I have weeks worth of data that shows me I need to reduce my basal in the AM, I didn't make the change. I even ran basal tests so I knew I needed to reduce the basal! I just kept going low and having to treat the low every morning at the same time. So I sit at my desk this morning, upset and frustrated. I had to breathe and remind myself, change is good. Change is what has given you your life and health back. Breathe young grasshopper! So I changed my basal and I restarted the DexCom sensor, breathe in, breathe out....
Making changes in my D care freaks me out. Can anyone relate? Thanks for letting me vent, I feel much better now :)
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